Blog 31: Somber Days and Silent Faith 🌑✨

When the Journey Feels Heavier

Today feels somber, like we all woke up to remind ourselves that the journey is tougher than we anticipated. Hard doesn’t mean God is absent. Hard doesn’t mean the dreams you once dreamt weren’t divine. Tough simply means the road requires fortitude, and not everyone has the willpower to walk it through.

That’s where the decision lies—who do you become when the count gets real?

A Tough Conversation Yesterday

Yesterday, I had a conversation that left me feeling overwhelmed, tangled in inadequacy, with self-doubt creeping in louder and prouder than ever before. I contemplated going back to old vices because for a long time, that felt like “home.”

It was the safe place where I could harbor bitterness, host pity parties for my trauma, and feed the pain quietly. But sitting in that space yesterday, I realized it was never really safe. It was familiar, yes, but not safe. Familiar doesn’t heal. Familiar often keeps you circling.

The conversation echoed what the economy demands of us ,status, productivity, and practical goals. It dismissed my philanthropic dreams of saving the world and almost branded them as a messiah complex. That stung.

I left feeling demoralized, tempted to believe the whisper: “Maybe this wasn’t God you heard, babe.”

My Immediate Response

If I’m honest, I wanted nothing more than to go home, hide under the covers, watch movies, and eat myself into a state of numbness. Food has always been a quick refuge for me, a temporary comfort when the world feels too sharp.

But I had class. And class meant I had to show up—whatever scraps of energy I could muster. Because if we’re being honest, adulting often looks like shoving your little feelings into a big, no-drip bag and carrying them over the mountain. Cry later, work now.

That’s adulthood.

A Change in Determination

So today, I canceled my original plans and chose to finish the work I prayed for, the very work God placed in my hands. I shifted from looking “busy” to being productive. There’s a difference.

Busyness fills time; productivity fulfills purpose.

And though my heart still felt raw, I leaned into discipline. Because that’s also adulting—learning to show up, even when your emotions beg you to quit.

God, Are You Still There?

A question rose in me: “God, are you still there? Is the little girl in me still lost in her need to be seen, wanted, and chosen? Still haunted by rejection and displacement?”

Even in the silence, my spirit resolved to believe: yes, God is here. He has always been here. The silence doesn’t mean absence—it means listening. It means trust.

And in that quiet, I remembered: my worth isn’t defined by the economy, nor by dismissive words, nor by my old vices. My worth is sealed in God’s presence.

Final Reflection 🌿

Somber days happen. Tough conversations happen. But they don’t erase the light of God in your life. They don’t cancel your dreams, nor do they define your story.

Hard seasons force us to choose: bitterness or belief, regression or resolve. Yesterday, I almost chose regression. But today, I chose resolve.

So yes, the journey is tougher than expected. But God is still here. He always is. And with that truth, I keep moving.

Amen