Blog 25: When Food Becomes a Friend… And an Escape

There’s something I realized this week.

Something about myself that’s both uncomfortable and undeniably true.

Food has become my best friend.

Not in a “foodie” way, or because I love cooking, or because I’m exploring new flavors.
No. This feels… different.
It’s the way I turn to food even when I’m not hungry.
It’s the way I eat when I’m anxious.
When I’m bored.
When I’m celebrating.
When I’m just existing.

Sometimes, food is just there, and that’s reason enough.

A Quiet Realization

It hit me, one quiet day at home. I was watching movies. Nothing intense, just relaxing. But for some reason, I couldn’t stop eating. Not snacks. Full meals. One after another.
I wasn’t hungry—but I kept eating.
Like a compulsion.
As if chewing and swallowing would distract me from… something.

By the end of the night, I was full. Not just satisfied. Stuffed.
And still—I went for two slices of bread.
Not because I needed them, but because I thought:
What if I wake up at night and feel hungry?

It wasn’t hunger. It was habit.            

And it exhausted me.

A Strange Mix of Shame and Relief

I felt a strange blend of embarrassment and relief.
Embarrassed that I’d eaten so much.
That I had numbed myself with food.
But also… relieved that there was food.
That I could eat.
That I didn’t go to bed with a growling stomach like so many others might have to.

That duality was hard to sit with.

And yet, I know I can’t keep doing this to myself.

It’s Deeper Than Hunger

I don’t fully know where this comes from.
Maybe it’s loneliness.
Maybe it’s unprocessed feelings.
Maybe food fills the spaces that feel a little too silent.
Maybe it’s comfort. Maybe it’s escape.

But I know this:

This isn’t what I want for myself.

I don’t want to be held hostage by cravings that aren’t even real.
I don’t want my emotions to dictate my plate.
And I definitely don’t want to rely on something outside of myself to make me feel “okay.”

If You’re Like Me…

If you’re like me—if you’ve turned to food when no one else was around,
If it’s become a warm hug when the world feels cold,
If it’s the celebration and the comfort and the distraction all rolled into one…
I get it.

But please, take a step back.
Just for a moment.
Adjust.
Reimagine.

You don’t need to be dependent on habits that slowly eat away at your joy.
You don’t have to keep using food—or anything else—to affirm your existence.

You already exist.
You already matter.

Without the extra helping.           

Without the late-night bread.
Without the silent shame.

You are enough.

Let’s stop. Together.
Not with judgment. But with awareness.
And maybe that awareness is the first step to healing.
To being free.

To being full—in all the ways that truly matter.

Regards 

Lover