Blog 4: The Softness I Seek

The End of a Chapter

This week has been both somber and light. I am closing a chapter that has occupied six months of my life, and while relief washes over me, an unexpected sadness lingers. I am grateful for the journey, but now, I must reclaim my time.

Physically, my body reminds me that I have neglected it. Some days it’s my eyes, other days my teeth ache, or my legs feel like they are carrying years of exhaustion. I don’t trust clinics, so I know I need to save for a proper doctor’s visit—one that will see me as a whole person, not just another name on a chart. Despite the aches, I remain grateful. My body, though tired, has carried me through, and for that, I honor it.


Survival vs. Thriving

Lately, I’ve caught myself contemplating settling. Settling for familiarity, for comfort, for a man I’ve known for years. He offers safety, predictability, companionship—but not expansion. And that’s unsettling for me.

I don’t want to simply survive anymore. I want to thrive. I want a life that nurtures me, stretches me, grows me. My nervous system is weary from years of simply enduring, and now, I long for ease, for flow, for peace. I crave a life where I can just be—without the constant burden of proving, fixing, or carrying. Thriving means stepping boldly into the life I envision, unapologetically.

Releasing the Burden of Strength

I am 34 years old, and I am exhausted by the expectation to be strong. The world has glorified Black women’s ability to endure but has never offered us a place to rest.

Strength is not a badge I wish to wear anymore—not in the way they demand it of us. White women are not told to be strong. Their burdens are outsourced—to Black nannies, Black hands, Black labor. The very people deemed "strong" are the ones expected to serve, build, and sacrifice. And so, the Black community remains trapped in a cycle of labor, never afforded the time to build true legacy and freedom.

I reject this narrative.

I am strong by nature—but I am also soft, radiant, and deserving of ease. I refuse to let the world strip me of my gentleness under the guise of resilience.

The Goal: Presence & Softness

I am choosing presence over struggle. Beauty over burnout. Ease over exhaustion.

I want to exist in my fullness. I want to be seen, to be held, to rest in the divinity of my being. This is my goal—to release, to heal, to reclaim all that I once sacrificed in the name of being strong.

So, I let go.

I release the need to prove.
I release the need to carry.
I release the need to suffer to be worthy.

I am worthy of more. And I will take it.


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